Life, (In real life)

I am starting down a trail. A trail that no one really looks forward to walking along. It's one that all of us must go through, or have gone through at one point, or some points in our lives. I've seen people go through this phase, and be left emotional wrecks; I've also seen them come through as a stronger, more focused individual, and even that group has been split into two camps. The first sub-group is left bitter, and scarred, while the other is transformed into people who take nothing for granted, and live life knowing there is an end, and a beginning (for those who pass, and those who are left behind -slowly, patiently waiting our turns).

I've recently known at least eight people that have gone through their battles with the "Big C" and come through the gauntlet of treatments with flying colors. There have been setbacks along the way, and in one case the treatments caused other issues, but they have been effective.

Of course that is not the case for me (I have to be difficult), and I am witnessing the events unfold before my eyes. While I have a family to lean on during this process, it makes it no easier to deal with the emotional issues involved. There will be new tasks to take on, new responsibilities to handle -and I gladly take them on to relieve the burden that is being carried by others within the family. I am going to experience this up close, personally, and raw. I am finding this difficult to share with friends around me, and only a handful know. I feel some anonymity posting it here, but there are some who will stumble across this posting and will want to help by giving that kind word that will make it all better; the anecdotes that will try to distract me for the moment. While the efforts are appreciated, please know that I am still going to hurt after they have been said and the conversation has passed.

If I seem distant, cold, and not engaging in conversation please understand that this is how I am dealing with this. I will come through it changed, not be the same person I was before the events transpired. While I may not post during this process, I will be here wrestling with this monkey on my back, not alone, but with God. I covet your prayers, and know that all the events are for the glory of the Lord.

Cancer sucks, and it really sucks when it's been diagnosed as terminal, incurable. A second opinion is forthcoming, but until then, to not plan for the worst case scenario would be naive of me, and unfair to all around this life event. Of the two sub-groups mentioned above, I plan on being in the one who takes nothing for granted. With the grace of God, the love of my family, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit I will make it through. This is me. This is how life is lived, and this is meant to be my experience. Don't take it away from me.

Thank you for putting up with my rambling (if you've made it this far). I've re-read this post several times to make sure there was some sort of continuity and saw that there are a lot of "I's" in this posting, but know that all of us will be going through this trail of tears together...

...I just happen to be the one with a blog.